The 20 Worst Movies I Saw In 2011

Last year I published my Top and Bottom lists on this very blog, and I found it quite useful to have them available online at any time, so why not repeat the success? No need to overcomplicate things, so here's my list of the 20 most awful films I saw last year....

20. Sucker Punch

The trailer looked gorgeous, Zach Snyder's other films were so cool, but he should not be writing scripts himself, he's just not smart enough. This was a long, boring, misguided film, about as much fun as watching someone else play a video game.

19. Cowboys and Aliens

Unforgivably dull and utterly predictable. We may not have seen cowboys and aliens together in a film before, but every character, every scene, every plot point was familiar.

18. The Silent House

This Spanish one-shot movie might have worked, but the story is just too simple and the ending is preposterous.

Read the full review here.

17. Sharktopus

You don't expect too much going into a film like this, but it's okay to at least expect to be entertained on a B-movie level. This film does have its moments, but it just doesn't quite come together in the end. It's too average.

16. Priest

On some level the core concept had some validity, I guess, but there are just so many wrong choices and missed opportunities here. It feels as if the film was put together by a committee. And stop casting Cam Gigandet will you?

15. Season of the Witch

I love a silly Nicolas Cage movie as much as the next guy, but this period-possession film was just to damn sloppy for its own good.

14. Green Lantern

The character is silly, the story is nonsense, and Ryan Reynolds buzzing around with a CGI body is just not my idea of fun. I'm baffled that this charming actor failed to bring any kind of heart to this story.

13. Red Riding Hood

Should have been sexy, hip, and cool. That's why they hired the Twilight director. Instead this was badly written, unintentionally funny and looked cheap. Worst Gary Oldman performance since The Fifth Element (1997).

12. Burlesque

Christian Aguilera sings? Cher sings? That should work on some level, right? Well, it didn't. And STOP casting Cam Gigandet!

11. Dirch

This Danish biopic about the beloved Danish entertainer Dirch Passer only worked if you knew everything about him going in. It fails to capture the mood and look of the time period, and star Nikolaj Lie Kaas is just not as good as he should be. And the script was a mumbling checklist of famous Passer events.

10. Thor

Director Kenneth Branagh brings nothing to this noisy mess. The story is ludicrous and the film is a freak show of bad costumes and mediocre CGI. As for Natalie Portman? Stop looking so beautiful. No, I mean it! At this point it's becoming a major distraction.

9. True Grit

I don't really like the Coen brothers, save for a few of their earlier films, but this unnecessary remake is even worse than No Country for Old Men (2007). Jeff Bridges might as well be speaking Klingon, and the ending makes me hate everything even more.

8. I Love You Phillip Morris

I've lost everything for Jim Carrey since I found out he's one of those anti-vaccination lunatics, who really should be put down, before they kill too many people with their nonsense, but I saw this film before I found that out, and I still hated it and his performance. A disgusting, charmless film.

7. Into Eternity

Ostensibly a documentary about the dangers of nuclear waste. The film covers many interesting angles, but the message is muddled, and the cinematic style is so manipulative that it actually hurts the film. If the director lies so much with his images, how much does he lie with his words?

6. Paul

This should have been a slam-dunk. Two Roswell geeks meet an actual alien. Hilarity ensues. Unfortunately Simon Pegg and Nick Frost forgot to include ANYTHING funny or original in the film.

5. Adèle and the Secret of the Mummy

Is there anything more annoying or useless than French humor? This obnoxious film wants to be a bit Indiana Jones like, but it's just too damn French. Story is a mess, and hot french babe Louise Bourgoin in the lead is utterly devoid of charm. Luc Besson can't make movies any more.

4. Tree of Life

This is a bit of a cheat, because this really isn't a film, it's a poem. A rambling story about life and death, or something. I don't really care. This is not what I want from a film, period.

3. Smukke Mennesker

Obnoxious and untalented painter, turned film-critic, turned director Mikkel Munk Falsk sucked enough a** to get a chance to direct this unintelligent ripoff of Happiness (1998). No word on whether the 12 people who saw the film thinks he succeeded, but in my opinion this is the kind of film that should ban you from the film-business for all eternity.

2. Red State

Director Kevin Smith thinks he made a clever religious-horror-thriller. He didn't. He made an incompetent, rambling, boring, ugly, stupid piece of sh*t that solidifies our suspicion: Smith can't write anymore. And can't really direct either. Second year in a row he makes the Bottom 3 list.

1. Your Highness

When the credits rolled on this piece of sh*t I knew I had seen the worst film of the year, and a solid candidate for the worst film ever made. This is the brainchild of Danny McBride, who can't act, can't write, and isn't funny. Why he has a career is as baffling as anything. Why would anyone make a film like this, unless they were mentally handicapped?

FINAL THOUGHTS

That's it, my Bottom 20 list for 2011. Stay tuned for the Top 20 list.