27.1.22

Top 20 of 2021

A warning first. This top list is a bit unusual. We didn't get that BIG unavoidable HIT this year. No $200 million Hollywood movie that hit it out of the park, so instead this list is full of smaller, interesting movies, which may not be perfect, but they made an impact on me all the same. And remember. This is MY list. If you have problems with it, they're your problems. No, I'm NOT being defensive! Anyway, enough stalling....

HONORABLE MENTION

Dune: Part One (2021)

Maybe, when we get Part Two, Dune will make it to the actual top of the list. For now, though, this is half a film. A two and a half hour long half of a film that grinds to a halt in its final act and stops before it gets anywhere near the point. You have to do better to make it to the top list. Hopefully Denis Villeneuve will do just that when the second film arrives.

THE LIST

20) Don't Breathe 2 (2021)

Granted, we didn't really need a Don't Breathe 2, but we got it, and it was damn entertaining. It's the Aliens of the home invasion films. There really wasn't any way to follow up on the story in the first Don't Breathe, so this sequel took a detour and turned into a completely different story, set in the same universe, with the same lead character. It worked very well, and any chance to watch Stephen Lang kick ass is welcomed.

19) The Oak Room (2020)

A low-budget thriller that takes place mostly in a bar and rarely features more than two players at a time. And yet, with this simple setup director Cody Calahan (who also made the solid Antisocial) creates an effective thriller, full of twists and turns, while providing a clever meta-commentary on the best way to tell a good story. Way more clever than it has any right to be.

18) The Marijuana Conspiracy (2020)

It's one of those "That's a crazy story.... wait, it HAPPENED for real?!" The Marijuana Conspiracy deals with an experiment that took place in 1972 in Canada. What happens if we make a bunch of women smoke pot every day for 3 months? It would be an interesting story even if it wasn't real, but knowing that real women actually went through the experiences shown here just makes the whole thing even more fascinating.

17) Rising Wolf (2021) (aka Ascendant)

Another one of those movies with a small budget and a simple pitch, A young woman wakes up and finds herself locked in an elevator on an empty construction site. Who is she? Why is she locked in the elevator? Who did it? Even though we stay in the elevator, the film quickly breaks out of the initial pitch and opens the doors to a fascinating story that you should know as little about as possible. I was hooked from intriguing start to weird finish.

16) Blood Red Sky (2021)

Netflix has been very hit and miss with their international movies, but this German production hit the target very close to dead center. It's a vampire movie! On a plane! A hijacked plane! Sure enough, it covers material we've seen before, but it puts a fresh spin on everything, and repackages it into an engaging, high-flying bloody thrill-ride.

15) One Shot (2021)

I was surprised to find this fairly unambiguous action movie crawling so high up on the list, but I shouldn't have been, I enjoyed the hell out of it! The pitch is simple: Soldiers arrive on a black site to retrieve a prisoner needed for an urgent crisis. The base is attacked and the men and their CIA contact must defend themselves and keep the prisoner alive. Oh, and the whole thing plays out in what appears to be ONE single shot. It's not rocket science, there's no deep themes or profound revelations, it's just a solid, focused action movie. I'll take this over ANY Marvel film.

14) Till Death (2021)

Megan Fox plays a woman who finds herself chained to her dead husband in a truly sublime case of art-imitating-metaphor. What I love most about this film is that the characters aren't dumb. They're sometimes frustrated or rushed, but they never behave in that idiotic "movie character way" that reeks of inept screenwriting, trying to keep a story artificially alive. Megan Fox has taken a few hits in her time, many of them deserved (and whatever you do, don't follow her Instagram) but she knocks it out of the park in this delightfully dark revenge story.

13) One Night in Miami (2020)

Four legends - Muhammad Ali, Malcolm X, Jim Brown and Sam Cooke - meet in a hotel room for a fictional debate about their roles and responsibilities as black entertainers and influencers. I admit I didn't care much for this film during the first part of the story, it felt staged and stagy. After a while, though, it starts to work and then it becomes really good! The debates were fascinating, the film shakes its theater roots and the actors really get a chance to sink their teeth into the complicated issues. A very very strong finish.

12) News of the World (2020)

Solid to the core Tom Hanks shows up in this equally solid, old school western, which isn't much to look at, at first (and I do wish they'd shoot period films like this on actual film), but slowly it works its magic. The quaint central premise - Hanks travels around the land and read the newspaper for common folks - is a good reminder of how far the world has come, but also what was lost along the way. Of course the film also delivers a most delightful screen couple in the form of Hanks' world-weary former soldier and the girl he must transport back to her family. Young Helena Zengel runs away with many scenes, and Hanks lets her, and together they are utterly charming. As is the film.

11) Soul (2020)

I'm not a big Pixar guy, I really can't stand most jazz, and talk of the afterlife often infuriates me. Despite all this I was completely seduced by this gorgeous little film. The delightful characters, the gentle themes, the spurts of laugh-out-loud madness. Right up there with... well, Up.

10) Quo vadis, Aida? (2020)

The Aida in the title is a woman working as translator for the UN forces in Srebrenica, Bosnia. As the Serbs are moving in, the UN abandons the town and its people to the war-criminals, and Aida must try to get her family to safety before it's too late. The film stumbles here and there, but this is still a brutal look at the real-life implications of war and a most shameful chapter in Europe's history. Watch it on a sunny day, though. This is dark stuff.

9) Miranda Veil (2020)

A serial killer and his would-be victim go on a road trip to figure out why she keeps waking up every times he tries to murder her. Inventive, daring, controversial, with a mesmerizing lead performance by Annabel Barrett. Yes, this is a low-budget film, which is more than obvious at times. And yes, it often feels like a runaway train of thought bound for nowhere. However, the central pitch is fascinating and unusual, and worth sticking with. David Lynch it ain't. But more than once it gets awfully close to reaching those heights.

8) Test Pattern (2019)

A woman suffers a sexual assault after a night out and the next morning she and her boyfriend must try to find a rape kit, which turns out to be quite a challenge, further complicated by the fact that she's black and he's white.

This straight-forward, brutally honest drama opens with the adorable meet-cute between the woman Renesha (Brittany S. Hall) and future boyfriend Evan (Will Brill), a cruel but necessary setup that makes everything that follows all the more devastating. It shows the fateful night in question with almost poetic inevitability, before moving on the sobering aftermath delivered with a remarkable realism that makes it almost feel like a documentary at times. Test Pattern is an important film to see, but don't feel bad if you're not up for it. This stayed with me long after it was over.

7) Jolt (2021)

I admit, this is a silly inclusion in the list. Kate Beckinsale goes on a killing spree to avenge the death of her boyfriend. Oh, and she's got a device that gives her electric shocks to help her control her violent impulses! There is NO deeper meaning here and nothing we haven't seen before. And yet, there's something about the way Kate Beckinsale carries herself in this film. She's beaming with enthusiasm and seems to have a blast playing this disturbingly violent woman. She's charming, kicks ass like nobody's business, and delivers the often hilarious dialogue with dry perfection. Her delightful description of her new boyfriend's penis might be the best soundbite of the year! ("It unfurled itself like a travel umbrella!"). Jolt may turn out to be the film on this list I end up watching the most times, when all is said and done.

6) Zone 414 (2021)

A detective is sent into so-called "city of robots", Zone 414, to find a billionaire's lost daughter with the help of a prostitute android. A detective, androids, a futuristic setting and beams of light sweeping across the frame? It's hard not to be reminded of a certain classic 1982 science fiction movie. But Blade Runner doesn't have a monopoly on these things. Working with a limited budget, director Andrew Baird takes familiar elements and creates his own down to earth detective story, which is more preoccupied its flawed characters and their efforts to stay human, than with flashy visuals. It's moody as all hell, and fairly gruesome, with captivating performances from both Guy Pierce and Matilda Lutz.

5) The Last Duel (2021)

The most unlikely of pleasant surprises this year was Ridley Scott's much-maligned Ben Affleck with blond hair and Matt Damon covered in mud reunion. Taking its cue from both Rashomon and #MeToo the film spins a surprising modern tale that deals with subjects that haunts us every day. Different perceptions of reality, consent and boundaries, and of course the treatment of women. Don't be scared away by the the bad press, Affleck's silly hair, or the fact that the story takes place in the 13th century. This an easy to approach, relatable, relevant film that deserves to be watched and remembered.

4) Those Who Wish Me Dead (2021)

Clean, simple and focused thriller with a commanding lead performance from Angelina Jolie and sharp script and direction by Taylor Sheridan. They can take all their superhero movies and stuff 'em, all I want is a serious grown-up thriller like Those Who Wish Me Dead. Don't change a thing in this one.

3) Kate (2021)

Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays an assassin who's been poisoned and has mere hours to live. She must find out who killed her and why. Oh and get bloody revenge, of course.

Even though Kate doesn't initially offer much we have seen before, it's one of those rare instances where the whole is so much more than the sum of its parts. It's classic noir D.O.A. (1949) meets modern Liam Neeson revenge thriller. Winstead is badass in the lead, completely convincing as a hardcore killer, and she even speaks a bit of Japanese along the way! The neon-lit Tokyo setting is gorgeous, the action scenes are fierce, and I just couldn't shake the moody story. I love action movies. I make no apologies for that. And this one was irresistible to me.

2) Moxie (2021)

Near-perfect modern teen film that feels both timeless and highly relevant. Director Amy Poehler impresses with this funny and heartfelt story about a quiet girl who's just had ENOUGH of the way women are treated at her school, and starts an anonymous magazine exposing the truth. Moxie has the heart in the right place, and it's on the right side of history, but it's also not blind to the flaws of its own heroine, or the fact that perhaps everything can't be reduced to a hashtag or a clever meme. Most importantly, throughout this fairly serious story the film never forgets to have fun, and play some catchy tunes! An absolute delight that teaches some important lessons, without ever feeling like homework.

1) Shadow in the Cloud (2020)

What? THIS is your favorite film of the year? Abso-freakin-lutely. I loved it when I first saw it. I've rewatched it twice, and it gets better every time. Sure the high-concept pitch is ridiculous: "A creature on the wing of a WWII flying fortress". Which, coincidentally is a pure ripoff of classic Twilight Zone episode. Plus we spend half the film locked in a cramped gun turret below the plane with our heroine - both a fairly daring stylistic choice and a neat budget-reducing solution.

But make no mistake about it, there's more than goofy shenanigans at play here. The deceptively simple story offers moments like this: Our heroine is forced to listed to the all-male crew's crude fantasies about her over the intercom, unable to tell them what she really thinks. The end credit montage shows propaganda footage of women going to war - they take their shoes off first, don't ya know! That, plus a certain story element I won't spoil here, points to the fact that director Roseanne Liang way have more in her sights than just ripping off an old Twilight Zone episode. On top of that the film looks gorgeous, the electronic score is mesmerizing, and Chloë Grace Moretz plays the lead with admirable conviction, unfazed by the silly premise.

I stand by this choice. I love Shadow in the Cloud to bits!

WRAP-UP

That's it! The best films I saw last year. As always I instantly regret some of my choices (probably not the ones you think, though), but what's done is done, and now I have to live with it.

Of course I've already begun to compile the list for this year. Can't wait to see how that one shakes out. Until then......

26.1.22

Bottom 20 of 2021

Well, here we are again! Back at it with another Bottom 20 list after yet another unusual COVID year at the movies. But enough chit-chat, on with the list....

HONORABLE MENTION

No Time To Die (2021)

It's too classy to make the bottom list, but this long-awaited 25th James Bond movie was still a severe disappointment. The second viewing really crystallized how bad that screenplay and that story is. Guys, you should have retired gracefully with Spectre.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS

The Power of the Dog (2021)

Turned it off after about 30 minutes. I have no interesting in this story or these characters. I hate everything about the film's vibe.

Last Night in Soho (2021)

The first time I tried to watch this film I turned it off after about 20 seconds. I could just tell it wasn't going to do anything but piss me off that night. Second time i tried, I made it 20 minutes. Maybe one day I'll finish it.

Sentinelle (2021)

I saw this. According to my notes. Gave it lowest possible rating. And yet, I had to look it up, to even remember what it is. Olga Kurylenko has lesbian sex in it and I still have no recollection of having watched it.

THE LIST
20) The Matrix Resurrections

I debated whether to put this film MUCH higher on the list (we're talking top 5 of the worst) or not include it at all. In some ways it doesn't deserve to be on this list, in other ways it's such a crushingly disappointing and ineffective film that it's impossible to ignore. There's no clever idea to justify reopening this Pandora's box. There's no essential new chapter that just had to be told. On top of that Resurrections has lost everything that made the first film unique. Sole director Lana Wachowski's sister Lily, who co-directed the original trilogy, said it best, when she explained why she didn't return to this 4th film. "I felt like it was a step back," she said. I couldn't agree more. That's exactly what it feels like.

19) Don't Look Up

I know a lot of people think this is a really clever satire and just what we need to wake people up and make them realize the world's in trouble. I think they're dead wrong. I think this is a horribly misjudged film that will have the opposite effect on those who aren't already wise to the issues of our time. I'm not sure how you can watch this film and think it's a clever satire. More often than not it's simply a fairly accurate representation of reality. This happened. For real. That's not satire. That's a documentary. Except of course a real documentary never approaches its subject dripping with mocking contempt for the very people it hopes to educate.

18) The Little Things

I see where they were going with this. Unfortunately this film wasn't made in the early 90's. If it had been, I might not have judged it so hard. As it stands now, The Little Things came 25 years too late. In the wake of countless classic serial killer movies, TV-shows and true crime stories in all shapes and forms it simply doesn't have anything useful to add to the conversation. At best it's derivative, but often it's almost embarrassingly ineffective.

17) Red Notice

I gotta admit, I though this was a slam-dunk. I like The Rock. I love Ryan Reynolds. Gal Gadot is beyond beautiful. Obviously that's not enough. You need these people to play likable characters. You need to stick those characters in a decent plot. And you need to bring your A-game if you want to play on the same field as The Indiana Jones movies and the Mission Impossible franchise. You also need to make your $200 million movie look like a $200 million movie and not a cheap discount product for the streaming sheep who can't tell the difference.

16) Fast & Furious 9

Remember when we all laughed at the Fast & Furious franchise's increasingly ridiculous stunts? Remember when we said "what will they do next, go to space!?" Here's the thing: Dumb-as-a-doornail Vin Diesel has the internet. What he doesn't have is a sense of irony. He didn't know we were kidding!!! He thought we wanted the film to go to space! So that's what he made happen! We did this! We only have ourselves to blame, so let's be clear: We DON*T want any more Fast & Furious movies. We don't want more stupid characters stuffed into the same film, regardless of whether they're dead or alive, OR have any function in the plot. We don't want any more freakin' family dinners where everyone pretends Paul Walker is still alive. And we DON*T want more Vin. You got that?

15) The Suicide Squad

Suicide Squad was a flawed but fascinating mess of a film. The Suicide Squad removed everything that worked on that film and added..... a "the". This is what happens when the internet #MeToos a decent guy like James Gunn. He runs off and ruins another franchise with his increasingly unwelcomed trademarked shenanigans.

14) Army of Thieves & Army of the Dead

Bit of a cheat on this one, but I couldn't decide which was worse, Zack Snyder's bloated zombie heist movie or the obnoxiously chirpy spinoff prequel focusing on the most punchable character from the original film. To be fair, Snyder seems like a sweet guy, and we know he can put an effective film together. This, however, isn't it. And don't get me started on the fact that the entire Army of Thieves plot is built on the fact that neither Snyder or director/star Matthias Schweighöferloferlafer knows there's a difference between a bank-vault and a safe.

13) Beckett

I'm not sure what happened on Beckett. Dull story, dull movie, dull lead. Seriously, John David Washington looks like he's never acted before. Watch Three Days of the Condor (1975) instead. That's what this movie is reaching for.

12) Monster Hunter

Paul W.S. Anderson, what were you thinking? You can obviously still drum up a decent budget. You got that leading lady who hasn't lost a step and will always takes your call. And we have very low expectations, regarding the intellectual level of your next project. And you still manage to disappoint?! There's no story! Was there even a script? Be honest, did you just have the title? Seriously, don't make another videogame adaptation again. What about Four Musketeers? Yeah, make that!

11) Infinite

Hey Mark? You know what your recent movies are? An unfunky bunch. Now stop phoning it in! Get your head the game! Don't be so freakin' bland!

10) Die in a Gunfight

Cool, modern retelling of Romeo & Juliet with the breathtakingly beautiful Alexandra Daddario and some serviceable, nondescript dude? I'm in! Die in a Gunfight certainly has style, but that's about all it has. It fails to make anything else work, but what's especially problematic is that it never sells the core love story. That's kind of an essential part of the whole Romeo & Juliet thing, don't ya know.

9) The Ice Road

I had high hopes for this ice-based action flick. It starts off well, but then veers off the road and ends up plowing through a school full of children, some pregnant ladies and a bunch of nuns. As it gets dumber and dumber, and more and more frustrating, you'll find yourself wishing Liam Neeson from Taken would show up and stop this Liam Neeson by ripping his still-beating heart out of his chest and eating it. Watch The Grey instead.

8) Bad Boys for Life

This garbled, witless mess of a film came at least 15 years too late. Martin Lawrence has all but disappeared from our screens and our minds, and Will Smith has gone from cool playar to uncle-you-wished-they-wouldn't-invite-because-you-just-can't-today. We didn't want the bad boys to come back, we didn't need them to come back, and they didn't have much to come back with. Let's get Lawrence back to bed and call Jada to come pick up Smith.

7) Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City

It's ironic that you watch a zombie film and then begin to wonder if everyone who made it is braindead! The Resident Evil franchise was in dire need of a reboot, but this limp, uninspired attempt won't do. The characters are dull, there's nothing scary in the film at all, and the story is virtually non-existing. Paul Anderson, come back! I didn't mean any of those things I said!

6) Chaos Walking

This should not have been made, for one reason: The core concept of this story is perfect for a book, but when it's translated from the page to the screen it simply does NOT work. We're in a world where everyone can hear men's thoughts, and then a woman shows up and no one can hear her.... Right, you can imagine how that would work on the page, but you can't imagine how profoundly obnoxious this concept is when brought to life on film. There's a host of other problem with the film too, but it's the fundamental flaw in the core concept that brings it to its knees. Even the presence of Daisy Ridley couldn't make me watch this again.

5) The Green Knight

I fully admit, I should simply bow to this film, excuse myself and be content with the fact that it wasn't for me. But where's the fun in that? Instead I'll say this: I absolutely fucking hated everything about the film. I know, I know, it's art! It's symbolism! It's oh so clever, and when you sit on that trendy café with all your douchebag friends you can all agree that it's brilliant and the fact that you can't explain any of it is brilliant too. YOU can agree on that. I don't have to. This is pretentious douchebaggery of the cuntish order, masquerading as art. I'm not fooled. I see through it like a pair of non-prescription glasses. David Lowery goes on the Avoid-At-All-Cost-Director-List.

4) Cosmic Sin

Bruce Willis made the bottom of the list last year, and sure enough here he is again. Willis has made almost 20 of these shit-tastic direct-to-video movies in recent years and he has another 10 or so lined up. I saw 2 of them in 2021, and the only reason you won't find the other one here is that at least it tried. This one may have tried too, but the problem is, I have no idea what it tried. All I know is that it succeeded only in looking like a cheap, incompetent amateur production. The man formerly known as John McClane has officially flushed his career into the toilet. I don't know why or when he stopped caring. I do know when I stopped caring. I can't imagine queuing up another Willis film anytime soon. At least that means he won't make the bottom list next year.

3) Black Friday

Wow, this one pissed me off. I was hoping for a fun little indie horror film, worthy of having Bruce Campbell in the cast. Instead I got a cheap looking, charmless, disrespectful piece of shit amateur movie with no coherent story.

2) Titane

Yes, yes, we got the press releases from Cannes. This was supposed to be THE most shocking and daring film of the year. I'm assuming the velvet ropes have insulated that particular crowd from truly shocking and daring film, so they think this movie qualifies. Sure, there's an unexplained sex scene with a car. There's some body horror stuff with insistently unattractive lead Agathe Rousselle, including many unwanted closeups of leaking orifices, but aside from that the only truly shocking thing is how trivial the core story is, when you get past all the aggressively disgusting nonsense.

1) Malignant

I almost knew it the moment I had finished this film. Surely no other film of the year could be so laughably inept, this HAD to reach the no. 1 spot on the "worst of" list. And sure enough. Here it is. The movie starts bad - completely unscary and really badly written - then it takes a turn for the worse, and the finale is so ludicrously bad you'll wonder if this was meant to be a satire all along. I wish the filmmakers were that clever, but everything else in Malignant indicates that they're not.

WRAP-UP

Phew, well, we made it through THAT list. Now on to the more fun stuff: The BEST films of 2021. Stay tuned....

1.1.22

2021: The Stats

I usually post some sort of semi-profound blog on the last day of the year, but I'll be honest, I didn't know what to say this year. I could have reposted the one from last year, almost verbatim, and if that doesn't say it all, I don't know what does.

So instead we'll skip to the new year and start fresh by adding up the stats from 2021 as we prepare for the lists of the best and worst films from last year....

Number of films watched in 2021:

292

Comparison:
- 2020 (329)
- 2019 (263) - 2018 (290) - 2017 (263) - 2016 (288)
- 2015 (307) - 2014 (331) - 2013 (401) - 2012 (405)
- 2011 (343) - 2010 (338) - 2009 (302) - 2008 (361)

Breakdown:
- Films watched for the first time: 166
- Re-watched films: 126

Films in play for the top/bottom lists:

120

Quality distribution (of new films):

Good: 59
Meh: 32
Bad: 29

Format distribution:

4K: 29
Blu-ray: 129
DVD: 1
VOD: 131
Cinema: 2

Decade-of-release distribution:

1940's: 2 films
1950's: 5 films
1960's: 6 films
1970's: 11 films
1980's: 25 films
1990's: 35 films
2000's: 29 films
2010's: 44 films
2020's: 135 films (2020: 43 / 2021: 92)

Most watched film:

Shadow in the Cloud (3 times)

TV-SHOW STATS

Number of TV-show episodes watched:
(not counting game shows)

219

Number of different TV shows watched:

34

Complete seasons watched:

20

Best Shows of the Year:

Kevin Can Go F**k Himself
Foundation
Intergalactic
Miss Scarlet and The Duke
Resident Alien
Vigil
Squid Game
Debris

FINAL THOUGHTS

That's it for the time being. I will now sit myself down and make those lists of the best and the worst films I saw last year. And soon, as per tradition, they will appear on the very blog.