So that happened

I think it's safe to say that 2020 has secured a prominent place in the history books. I won't bore anybody with a recap of all the things that went wrong, this is a day for looking forward. Like to the day when The Dump Trump finally chokes on a Big Mac and dies an agonizing death in front a roomful of spineless enablers, who watch in eerie silence, as they realize the moment they've waited so long for is finally here. But I digress.

For a few years now I've had a tradition where I watch Interstellar on the last movie night of the year. That's the 30th, of course, since the 31st is reserved for other things. This year, I felt like watching something else. I felt like watching All the President's Men (1976). It seemed especially fitting to watch this film, this year. After all it's a story about how two reporters, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, took down the most powerful man in the world with a simple weapon: The truth.

So much could be said about All the President's Men, but I'll keep it simple.

This film should not work. It deals with investigative reporters who spend half time on phones, the other half typing. And yet, this is a stone cold masterpiece. A story where the heroes are armed with only pens and paper, and where the villains are never seen, save for a bit of stock footage. It's nothing short of astonishing. The fact that this film manages to feel as relevant as ever today, is also astonishing. Or perhaps depressing. No, let's go with astonishing.

Like I said, I'll keep it simple, so I'll highlight 3 moments from the movie, in dialogue.

1) This observation from Deep Throat, aka Mark Felt, seemed especially pertinent, in light of the last four years:

"Forget the myths the media's created about the White House. The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand."

2) I love this exchange between managing editor Howard Simons and reporter Bob Woodward:

Simons: "Did you call the White House press office?"

Woodward: "I went over there; I talked to them. They said Hunt hadn't worked there for three months. Then a PR guy said this weird thing to me. He said, 'I am convinced that neither Mr. Colson nor anyone else at the White House had any knowledge of, or participation in, this deplorable incident at the Democratic National Committee.'"

Simons: "Isn't that what you expect them to say?"

Woodward: "Absolutely."

Howard Simons: "So?"

Woodward: "I never asked about Watergate. I simply asked what were Hunt's duties at the White House. They volunteered he was innocent when nobody asked if he was guilty."

Simons: "Be careful how you write it."

3) And finally, there's executive editor Ben Bradlee's last speech to the boys:

"You know the results of the latest Gallup Poll? Half the country never even heard of the word Watergate. Nobody gives a shit. You guys are probably pretty tired, right? Well, you should be. Go on home, get a nice hot bath. Rest up... 15 minutes. Then get your asses back in gear. We're under a lot of pressure, you know, and you put us there. Nothing's riding on this except the, first amendment to the Constitution, freedom of the press, and maybe the future of the country. Not that any of that matters, but if you guys fuck up again, I'm going to get mad."

I can't capture in simple text just how riveting this movie is, so if for some odd reason you haven't seen it, you'll just have to take my word for it and get on with it.

Of course All the President's Men should have cleaned up at the Oscars in 1976, but this was a particularly strong year, so it didn't. It was competing against Taxi Driver and Network. Think about THAT trio for a second. All the President's Men. Taxi Driver. Network. Did 1976 just look 44 years into the future, straight into our soul?

Depressingly Rocky took the top Oscars that year, a fact that grows more and more embarrassing with every year. Don't get me wrong, Rocky is a cute little film, but next to these timeless masterpieces it comes off as finger painting.

Rewatching All the President's Men, in light of 2020, in light of the orange fucktard, in light of The Rona, and the inept work from contemporary journalists, I'm both encouraged and scared. If we pull ourselves together we CAN right this ship. But we do need to fucking pull ourselves together.

So stay safe. Wear a mask. Don't be a dick. And hopefully in a year, the world will be in a better shape.

We are not prepared for this

So, it's time to say goodbye to 2019.

The world continues its death-spiral into the bottomless pit. Grotesque bag of rotting flesh, Number 45, is still sitting on his post, and Marvel still makes shittastic movies that otherwise intelligent people don't seem to realise are pure garbage.

At least we're not fighting replicants in the streets or wear those weird plastic coats. So there's that.

But something good came out of the year too.

We finally got the last chapter of that 9-movie Star Wars saga I remember we were promised, when I was a kid.

I also reached episode number 500 of my podcast "I Kassen" - where I reviewed Gravity!

And there WERE good times. Some really good times. Even a few spectacular good times.

2019 had stuff I could really do without. It had stuff I wouldn't have missed for anything, but we can't pick and chose. We have to take it all. The good with the bad.

Next year though, let's try to make the good even better, and the bad a lot less terrible.

And with that, we bid 2019 goodbye.

F**k you, pay me

So here we are. Time to box up 2018 and put it in storage. The world is still standing - barely - so there's no excuse not to follow tradition: One last post on the last day of the year.

Recently I was cleaning out my closet and I came across my old LaserDisc collection (Yes, I’ve still got them. No, they are not properly displayed) and I came across this gem:

It got me thinking about the things we still don't have as we prepare to leave 2018.

No The Abyss in HD

We still don't have a Blu-ray release of The Abyss! We don't even have a proper DVD! And we certainly don't have a nice shiny brand new 4K scan! James Cameron needs to pull his head out of his ass and make this his top priority. Understand this, James Cameron: We don't give a flying FUCK about more Avatar movies, the first one was embarrassing enough, we don't really need or want any sequels. Yeah, I know, there are tons of rumors saying that The Abyss is right on the verge of coming out on Blu-ray, but we're finishing up 2018, and it's not here yet, so fuck you, Cameron. Fuck you and the mo-capped horse you rode in on. Get back to work and stop wasting our time.

No Star Wars in HD

And speaking of things we still don't have...

There are fans out there who have gotten hold of a print of Star Wars. A proper celluloid, 1977 theatrical version print. They scanned the material into a computer themselves. They meticulously cleaned it up. And then they uploaded it to the internet. All this is of course completely illegal, so why did they do it? So that all Star Wars fans can enjoy the film as it was originally intended! With the original dodgy optical work, without those silly Lucas additions. The proper 1977 version. Why are they forced to do this? Because the powers that be STILL haven't pulled their collective heads out of their asses and given Star Wars a proper HD release.

That's right! We can't get the PROPER, ORIGINAL version of the film that started the most influential and awesome film franchise in the galaxy. First Lucas though he could do whatever he wanted with the Star Wars movies (he was mistaken). Now Disney can't get their act together and get shit done (partially because of legal issues, I believe). And meanwhile all the proper Star Wars fans are screaming, begging, hoping for a breakthrough. We just want OUR movie, in the version we fell in love with originally.

No indie in HD

Which brings me to another bone of contention: VOD releases. I love coming across tiny indie films on the VOD platforms. I love discovering gems I have zero information about before I watch them. But then, when I'm done watching them, and realize how awesome they are, I want them on Blu-ray. I want them on my shelves in HD. That is apparently a tall order.

So many VOD releases are never subsequently released on physical media. And sidebar: Real men watch discs. So do real women. If you only stream, you are a cockroach and you should die (too much? I can never tell). Anyway, proper film geeks who aren't lazy, troll-like bags of shit (I went over the top again, didn't I?) want to buy the films they love and have them on their freakin' shelves. Is that so difficult to understand? The worst part is, when those VOD releases do come out on physical media, it's often only on DVD! Well that's just straight up abuse! That's high treason, that’s what that is!

WRAP-UP

In the big scheme of things, mere mortal film-geeks' wishes may seem entirely inconsequential... if you are a mentally impaired douchebag, of course. NOTHING is more important than film-geeks and what we want. Listen, moronic studio bosses who control all this stuff... That leather chair you're sitting in? WE paid for that! We paid for your luxury car, your fancy house. Take a look at your wife. Yeah, we paid for THOSE too. You owe us EVERYTHING. And now we're here to collect. 2018 left us with very little patience. We may have traded our horse and carriage for a smartphone, but we kept our pitchforks. Get. This. Done.

The Second Part

Tradition dictates that no matter how few blogs I post during the year, there will always be one on the last day.

What a year 2017 was, huh? Humanity edges closer and closer to self-destruction, and this year was exhausting. So rather than prattle along and add to the noise, I'll leave you with these three images, that perfectly define 2017.

One: That chilling moment in Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017), where Rey must make a choice. It's a choice we all face.

Two: That defining transgression in the suddenly very urgent #MeToo film M.F.A. (2017) - presented here, as unfiltered as it occurs in the film.

And Three: The final moment in my favorite film Se7en (1995), where a resigned Detective Somerset delivers a laconic summation of the troubled events that transpired.

"Ernest Hemingway once wrote, 'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' I agree with the second part."

I agree with the second part.

And with that, we leave 2017 in the dust.

The End of the World

I'm not going to say that I've been a bad blogger this year. That would be incorrect. A more correct statement would be: I haven't been a blogger at all.

There are many reasons for this. The simple is that I haven't had the time. I run two podcasts, I've produced 23 episodes of Dobbelt Ds Definite DVD Podcast and posted 113 episodes of I Kassen. That takes time.

Also, I've finally managed to start watching TV shows again, to such a degree that it's hurt the final tally of movies I've watched this year - but we'll get back to that when I post my stats.

And thirdly, I haven't had anything to say. Well, to be more precise, nothing that seemed to fit the format of a blog. I haven't had time to research larger articles, and frankly I've grown tired of lists (as I'm sure you have, dear reader) so I've avoided posting any of those. The end result is an embarrassing lack of posts for 2016.

That may not change in 2017. Or maybe it will.

However, I wasn't going to let the year 2016 sneak off into the night, without a final word. I always post something on the last day of the year, so here we are again. I'm nothing if not consistent, except, of course, when I'm not.

I'll leave you with this gentle song, written and performed by John Hawkes in the film Too Late. Such a sweet and gentle moment that will leave you in tears.... the second time you watch the film. I good reminder to us all, not to rush to the next film experience immediately, but to let the good films marinade for a while.

I always say 'every film deserves a second chance' but it's important to remember that that also applies to films you love. Sometimes a second viewing can bring out that extra layer and that added depth you didn't catch the first time. Too Late was one of the films that did that this year. And one of the reasons is this song.

Down with Mary, by John Hawkes, lyrics

Go back to sleep
Soon it will be light

She moans
Slides down further

Gotta move your car by 10

'Cause I, lay down with Mary
Again

I close my eyes
And I have a dream

I see her face
And I wonder when

Will I lay down with Mary?
Again

I've got no game, I've got no plan
But I do what I can

And so we bid farewell to 2016 with the hope that this isn't the beginning of the end. Though it kinda feels that way....

Smarter

I've been a shitty blogger this year. Well, I'm always a shitty blogger, but this year has been appalling. Not a single post since July. Why? Well, the reason is simple: Life (shut up!) Okay, to be more precise, the lack of available hours in a day.

I started a new podcast, don't ya know (in Danish). That took some time away from blogging.

And then, as part of my regular podcast, we did a Twin Peaks marathon, reviewing every single episode of the old show on the brand new Bluray. That was fun. But also a bit tough. Took more time than I expected.

I tell you, my stats for the year in terms of movie-watching suffered. There are other reasons for that too, but now that I have my own new show I hope to get back on track. My motto is "A day without a movie, is a day wasted" - so 363 movies in a year should be doable. That's my goal for 2015.

As for this blog I will try to get some more blogging done. I still have many ideas that aren't particularly suited for my audio shows, and I enjoys keaping my english writting scharp.

Anyway, time to close down 2014. I'll leave you with this single image from Christopher Nolan's Interstellar, one of the boldest films in recent memory.

I suggest we take one lesson away from the film and apply it to the new year.

Let's try a little harder, simply to be smarter.

See you on the other side. 

Being offensive

So it's the last day of the year.

I have been a fairly rotten blogger in 2013, but I won't promise it'll improve next year, because then I won't disappoint if that doesn't happen, and if it does happen, we'll all be pleasantly surprised.

As is our custom, here on SiMiMoBl, we'll wrap up with a poignant scene from a film.

This one is from the TV movie Holy Flying Circus (2011), written by Tony Roche, where we follow the Monty Python troupe through the controversy surrounding the release of their seminal masterpiece Life of Brian (1979). A most wonderful comedy that takes a sharp knife to the belly of organized religion, and exposes its lunacy and hypocrisy while dancing around on the blood-soaked intestines. Jolly good fun, then.

FADE IN:

INT. MICHAEL PALIN'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Michael Palin (Charles Edwards) and John Cleese (Darren Boyd) are discussing the negative public reactions to Life of Brian, as they're preparing to go on national TV and defend it, against a bishop no less.

JOHN CLEESE

Okay, I'm the bishop.

MICHAEL PALIN

Right.

JOHN CLEESE

Why have you deliberately set out to offend people of faith?

MICHAEL PALIN

Uh, well... Bishop, it wasn't our intention to deliberately offend Christians or to be blasphemous.

JOHN CLEESE

Totally disagree with that.

MICHAEL PALIN

Sorry, is that you in character, or are you talking as you?

JOHN CLEESE

No, I'm talking as me. Talk to Graham about it. Ask him what he thinks. He's not that keen on Christians because they're not that keen on homosexuals.

MICHAEL PALIN

See, I don't think we intended to be offensive, just for the sake of it.

JOHN CLEESE

There's nothing wrong with being offensive. It's part of life! If you get offended, so what?! In a way it's a good thing. It tells you you're still alive at least.

He puts down the tea cup for emphasis.

JOHN CLEESE

Why can't I say things to offend you, hmm? Why can't I say I don't like your hair? Or your wife looks like a man and makes fucking awful soup. What's the worst that could happen?

MRS. PALIN

Hello, John.

Without any warning Mrs. Palin shows up in the doorway to greet John. She does, in fact, look like a man.

JOHN CLEESE

Oh, hello! Sorry, didn't realize you were, uh....

MRS. PALIN

Cup of tea? I can put the kettle on, although I don't think it'll suit me.

JOHN CLEESE

(forced laughter)

Oh! Very good, very good! Oh, well done. Most Amusing. Tres amusant. No, we're fine, thank you. Most kind of you to ask. We're- we're- we're- we're fine.

MRS. PALIN

Sure I can't get you anything? Glass of Cordieal?

(suddenly cold)

Spot of soup?

Mrs. Palin (man) holds John Cleese's gaze in an iron grip. Cleese swallows something, unsure what to do.

JOHN CLEESE

No, we're fine. thank you. Although your soup is always delightful.

Mrs. Palin (man) bows, then gives Cleese one last knowing stare before leaving.

JOHN CLEESE

Right, where was I? Um....

MICHAEL PALIN

Being offensive.

JOHN CLEESE

Being offensive! Yes, thank you.
What is the worst that can happen, hmm? You'll stop talking to me? Heaven forfend!
What will probably happen? You'll be upset for a bit, and forget about it.
What's the best that can happen?

(starting to get worked up)

Maybe you'll think "John's got a point! My wife does look like a man, and her soup does taste fucking awful! Maybe I should leave her."

MICHAEL PALIN

I've been able to keep my marriage together, thanks.

JOHN CLEESE

Oh, well, that's the spirit! Besides, we haven't been offensive, Mike. People just like complaining. The British love complaining. Complaining about the weather, complaining about the government, the fucking darkies, the fucking queers, Noel fucking Edmonds and his Multi-Cunting Swap Shop!
When it comes to the British, you can't please any of the people any of the time. And you know why they like complaining so much?

(almost screaming now)

Maybe it's because deep down, they know there is no fucking God, and it takes their mind off the fact that their lives are a pathetic sham that won't amount to a hill of shitty beans!

A moment of silence as Michael Palin ponders this.

MICHAEL PALIN

You going to be like this on the TV?

JOHN CLEESE

(matter-of-factly)

Yes, I am.

AND SCENE.

I often refer to this as the best Non-Monty Python Monty Python scene. Not only is it funny, but it's got a point too.

As we prepare to enter 2014, in a time where the world, more than ever before, seems to be on the verge of a complete intellectual breakdown, it's worth dwelling on the exchange above. So do that, ponder the words, and let's all try to make sure 2014 is really the Year of the Horse, and not just the Year of the Horse's Ass.

Happy new year!