Being offensive

So it's the last day of the year.

I have been a fairly rotten blogger in 2013, but I won't promise it'll improve next year, because then I won't disappoint if that doesn't happen, and if it does happen, we'll all be pleasantly surprised.

As is our custom, here on SiMiMoBl, we'll wrap up with a poignant scene from a film.

This one is from the TV movie Holy Flying Circus (2011), written by Tony Roche, where we follow the Monty Python troupe through the controversy surrounding the release of their seminal masterpiece Life of Brian (1979). A most wonderful comedy that takes a sharp knife to the belly of organized religion, and exposes its lunacy and hypocrisy while dancing around on the blood-soaked intestines. Jolly good fun, then.

FADE IN:

INT. MICHAEL PALIN'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Michael Palin (Charles Edwards) and John Cleese (Darren Boyd) are discussing the negative public reactions to Life of Brian, as they're preparing to go on national TV and defend it, against a bishop no less.

JOHN CLEESE

Okay, I'm the bishop.

MICHAEL PALIN

Right.

JOHN CLEESE

Why have you deliberately set out to offend people of faith?

MICHAEL PALIN

Uh, well... Bishop, it wasn't our intention to deliberately offend Christians or to be blasphemous.

JOHN CLEESE

Totally disagree with that.

MICHAEL PALIN

Sorry, is that you in character, or are you talking as you?

JOHN CLEESE

No, I'm talking as me. Talk to Graham about it. Ask him what he thinks. He's not that keen on Christians because they're not that keen on homosexuals.

MICHAEL PALIN

See, I don't think we intended to be offensive, just for the sake of it.

JOHN CLEESE

There's nothing wrong with being offensive. It's part of life! If you get offended, so what?! In a way it's a good thing. It tells you you're still alive at least.

He puts down the tea cup for emphasis.

JOHN CLEESE

Why can't I say things to offend you, hmm? Why can't I say I don't like your hair? Or your wife looks like a man and makes fucking awful soup. What's the worst that could happen?

MRS. PALIN

Hello, John.

Without any warning Mrs. Palin shows up in the doorway to greet John. She does, in fact, look like a man.

JOHN CLEESE

Oh, hello! Sorry, didn't realize you were, uh....

MRS. PALIN

Cup of tea? I can put the kettle on, although I don't think it'll suit me.

JOHN CLEESE

(forced laughter)

Oh! Very good, very good! Oh, well done. Most Amusing. Tres amusant. No, we're fine, thank you. Most kind of you to ask. We're- we're- we're- we're fine.

MRS. PALIN

Sure I can't get you anything? Glass of Cordieal?

(suddenly cold)

Spot of soup?

Mrs. Palin (man) holds John Cleese's gaze in an iron grip. Cleese swallows something, unsure what to do.

JOHN CLEESE

No, we're fine. thank you. Although your soup is always delightful.

Mrs. Palin (man) bows, then gives Cleese one last knowing stare before leaving.

JOHN CLEESE

Right, where was I? Um....

MICHAEL PALIN

Being offensive.

JOHN CLEESE

Being offensive! Yes, thank you.
What is the worst that can happen, hmm? You'll stop talking to me? Heaven forfend!
What will probably happen? You'll be upset for a bit, and forget about it.
What's the best that can happen?

(starting to get worked up)

Maybe you'll think "John's got a point! My wife does look like a man, and her soup does taste fucking awful! Maybe I should leave her."

MICHAEL PALIN

I've been able to keep my marriage together, thanks.

JOHN CLEESE

Oh, well, that's the spirit! Besides, we haven't been offensive, Mike. People just like complaining. The British love complaining. Complaining about the weather, complaining about the government, the fucking darkies, the fucking queers, Noel fucking Edmonds and his Multi-Cunting Swap Shop!
When it comes to the British, you can't please any of the people any of the time. And you know why they like complaining so much?

(almost screaming now)

Maybe it's because deep down, they know there is no fucking God, and it takes their mind off the fact that their lives are a pathetic sham that won't amount to a hill of shitty beans!

A moment of silence as Michael Palin ponders this.

MICHAEL PALIN

You going to be like this on the TV?

JOHN CLEESE

(matter-of-factly)

Yes, I am.

AND SCENE.

I often refer to this as the best Non-Monty Python Monty Python scene. Not only is it funny, but it's got a point too.

As we prepare to enter 2014, in a time where the world, more than ever before, seems to be on the verge of a complete intellectual breakdown, it's worth dwelling on the exchange above. So do that, ponder the words, and let's all try to make sure 2014 is really the Year of the Horse, and not just the Year of the Horse's Ass.

Happy new year!