25. The A-Team
This should have worked. It had great casting and a great action-director at the helm, but somehow the story got in the way. Too long, too boring, too complex. It shouldn't be possible to mess up such a simple premise, but they did.
24. The Box
The first half hour is pretty solid, but slowly the madness creeps into the story. And then it gets weird. And then it just gets f**ked up. Turns out, Donnie Darko was a fluke. Richard Kelly apparently can't direct a movie to save his life.
23. The Wolfman
Another no-brainer. Meaning a big, loud, boring, stupid Hollywood film, with no brains. If you can't improve on an almost 70 year old film, maybe you should just stay in bed.
22. Splice
This film was brought down by a too limited scope and a complete refusal to address the ethical ramifications inherent in its story. Plus, they revealed way too much of the creature up front.
21. The Book of Eli
How do they manage to spend $80 million dollars on a film that takes place in a desert and on barren dirt roads? This is just dull and profoundly stupid, and that's even before you get to the big reveal, which is even more stupid than you can imagine.
20. Bad Lieutenant 2
Crazy can be fun, crazy can be good, but sometimes crazy is just an incoherent mess. This movie is that kind of crazy, but behind all the out-of-control German antics, this is still a story we've seen a million times before. And better. For an out of control cop on the edge... Check out Romeo is Bleeding.
19. Hot Tub Time Machine
Easily one of the biggest disappointments of the year. The concept seemed fun, but John Cusack looks bored, it's nowhere near as clever as other classic time travel films, and there's no emotional core we can hang on to.
18. Valentine's Day
Ashton Kutcher is a dick, and if you hire him, you're a dick too. Jamie Foxx is also a dick. As is Patrick Dempsey. Jennifer Garner is just awkward. Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift seem incapable of pretending that they are human. I could go on. All the stories in this ensemble drama are bad, and I just HATE almost everyone in the entire cast.
17. The Lovely Bones
To be blunt: Peter Jackson isn't smart enough to direct a film like this. Saoirse Ronan is heartbreakingly talented, but Jackson's heavy-handed touch ruins the delicate material, often resulting in unintentionally funny moments.
16. Jennifer's Body
On paper this looks unbeatable, but somebody forgot to think this through to the end. The story is a mess, Megan Fox isn't sexy enough, and all the characters are unlikeable. Plus, when the paparazzi shots of Megan Fox are ten times more raunchy than the actual footage that ended up in the film, you've got problems.
15. Ninja Assassin
A typical Western approach to making an Asian movie. Badly shot fights, uninspired bad guys, miscast hero. Watch Crying Freeman instead. THAT's how it's done.
14. Fantastic Mr. Fox
I just hate everything about this film. The story, the look, the voice talent, the direction, the look, the direction and the direction. I can't watch Wes Anderson movies. I can't even get past the posters. The guy just pisses me off.
13. The Prince of Persia
Lazy big budget Hollywood film. The story is shit. The effects are laughable. And there's no chemistry between the leads.
12. Clash of the Titans
Lazy big budget Hollywood film. The story is shit. The effects are laughable. And there's no chemistry between the leads.
11. Jonah Hex
Lazy big budget Hollywood film. The story is shit. The effects are laughable. And there's no chemistry between the leads. Oh, but this time the studio realized this, so they fired the director, reshot the ending and ended up with an incoherent mess, barely an hour long.
10. The Last Airbender
M. Night Shamalaman is a dick. Yeah, I know a lot of people were impressed with The Sixth Sense, but I found it tedious. However, we can all agree that the rest of his films are utter shit. Actually this one is slightly less shitty than that abomination The Happening. But it's still shit.
9. Resident Evil: Afterlife
I've already railed against this film here on this very blog. Read the full review here.
8. Alice in Wonderland
God, this film is ugly! Ugly and annoying. And stupid. I wish it would go away and die. Plus, the CGI is AWFUL.... Everything looks uncomfortable and weird.
7. The Final
My expectations aren't that great, when it comes to low budget horror films, but this one managed to disappoint anyway. The one thing I never expected to get from a sleazy slasher such as this: Talk. Talk, talk, talk. And then more talk.
6. Piranha (3D)
Bargain basement ripoff of Jaws. Could have worked, but this film is just too nasty and gruesome to be fun. Watching people be mutilated, while they're screaming and bleeding to death is not proper entertainment. No matter how twisted you are. To top that off, the effects are really lousy.
5. Skyline
If you just look at the effects this looks like a $100 million big budget film. If you look at the acting and the story it looks like a student film made on some kind of school for mentally challenged children. Who don't speak English.
4. I'm Still Here
This film is awful. It's badly edited, it often seems fake, and some of the scenes are excruciating to watch, but the worst part? There's no point. The film makers have NO idea what they want to say, or why.
3. Cop Out
Another film I've already shot down on this blog. Read the full review here.
2. The Blackout
This is the film that makes Skyline look like Citizen Kane. That's all I got.
1. Couples Retreat
What a bloody awful, stupid, and useless film. This isn't just bad, this makes me ANGRY. There are a few talented comedians here, and a few hot girls, but it's not like there's some sort of missed opportunity here. A better script wouldn't have saved it. This film just shouldn't have been made. Period. Uninspired Hollywood dreck of the worst kind.
FINAL THOUGHTS
And there you have it, my Bottom 25 of 2010. Stay tuned for the Top 25.
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