Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012)

I love the first Madagascar so much that I actually put it on my All Time Top 10 list. It's a masterpiece in my book. I can watch the sequel too, but it's nowhere near as good. What bothered me most about it was that the human characters suddenly had a part to play. There were scenes where we just followed them, and who cares about those guys, right? Let's get back to the animals!

And so we arrive at Madagascar 3, yet another adventure with Alex the lion, Marty the zebra, Melman the giraffe, and Gloria the hippo. This is a film I was cautiously awaiting, mostly because it seemed, in the trailer, that humans had a big part to play in this too, and because I just didn't care for a story about our favorite animals trying to get through Europe, passing for circus animals. I feared a distracting mess without any connection to the spirit of the original.

Unfortunately that assessment proved absolutely correct.

Madagascar 3 seems to have lost all interest in its four lead characters, beyond using them as props in large, loud action scenes. Maybe there weren't any stories left to tell, but if that was the case, they should have stopped after 2. Instead of following four animals we care about on yet another character-building adventure, we get a story about a few unlikable circus animals and their problems, which our four heroes just happen to get mixed up in.

There are so many characters in this movie that there's barely time for our already quite large cast (including penguins, king Julian and his posse, plus the monkeys), meaning that several solid, fun characters from the first two films are reduced to mere cameos, or just background noise. The human element I mentioned comes mostly from a French animal-control woman, who is chasing our heroes. She a disgustingly designed character, who would fit better as a judge in an animated sequence from The Wall. She not funny, she's overly mean, and she's getting too much screen-time.

Also confirming my fears: The story is awful. More or less nothing but a loud series of elaborate set pieces full of explosions and colors. It jumps over the most basic story and character development, things just "happen" out of the blue. Seemingly unsurmountable problems vanish from scene to scene, and the animals are even transported from one continent to the next in a single cut, with no explanation of how they managed to pull off that trick.

When Marty suddenly built a huge hut on the beach in the first film, it was fun, and you didn't care how impossible it was. When our heroes manage to build an elaborate flying circus in this one, full of rockets and swings, and all kinds of crap. It's not funny, it's annoying, and blatantly unrealistic. That's right, in an animated film about four talking animals, this movie actually manages to seem unrealistic.

I did have fairly low expectations about Madagascar 3, and yet it still disappointed. It's a cold, loud, calculated mess, screaming for attention with every frame in the most charmless way. I'd rather watch a real circus, and that's saying something.

Top 10 Favorite Animated Films

INT. INK & PAINT CLUB - NIGHT

I don't remember why I suddenly felt the need to do this list, but regardless, film geeks should have lists of this kind ready in every genre, in case they're challenged by regular people to name their favorite whatever-film.

So without further ado, here is the - bound to be controversial - list of my favorite animated feature films.

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THE TOP 10 LIST

1) Madagascar (2005)

Not just my favorite animated film, but one of my ALL TIME favorite films! I love everything about this. The sweet story, the funny characters, the goofy humor, and all the downright nutty ideas. Oh, and there's no singing in it (Except for that one song, but that doesn't count). The outstanding voice-work ties everything together, and let's not forget the penguins. 'Cause penguins are cool.

2) Kung Fu Panda (2008)

I love Kung Fu Panda a little bit more every day. The beautiful, gorgeous designs. The sweet, simple story. It features a panda, and pandas are cool. It features a fat underachiever whom I have no trouble identifying with, and on top of that it's got kung fu. Perfection.

Who would have thought the combination of the sloppy Jack Black and the Oscar-winning Dustin Hoffman would work so well? In fact, it doesn't get much better than this.

3) Ice Age (2002)

This was the first time I saw a computer animated film, and forgot it was computer animated. I literally forgot it. That should tell you all you need to know about the humor and the sweet, engaging story. Then there's John Leguizamo's Sid the Sloth, one of my favorite animated characters ever. He looks funny, acts funny, and sounds even funnier. And let's not forget that there's freakin' snow everywhere. You know how much I love snow.

Just one last detail: Stick to the original and ignore the sequels. They all suck.

4) Despicable Me (2010)

Let me be completely honest about it: This film makes me cry. Every time I get to the end I tear up. Very few animated films can do this, I'll tell you. Before we get that far, however, we get a story that flips the whole universe upside down, forces us to root for a super-villain who wants to steal the moon, while hoping he changes his ways and becomes a better person! Also, because it was produced in France, the animation style is different than most American films, which is nice.

5) Lilo & Stitch (2002)

I saw this movie the first time with two friends at my local cinema. Then this line came up: "His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities, where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe."

And then we laughed. For about 20 minutes. Much to the amazement of everyone else in the theater. From that point on the film could do no wrong. And I haven't even gotten to the part where this is the sweetest, most gentle and charming thing since sliced bread.

6) How to Train Your Dragon (2010)     

I was on the fence about this film when I first saw the trailer. I wasn't even going to watch it at first, but then I gave it a chance. In about two seconds it won me over. Beautiful cinematography, great score, fantastic voice-work. The story is simple, but original - it almost feels like a classic. The setting is unusual - nobody makes viking movies any more - the animation doesn't intrude or call unnecessary attention to itself, and the humor is pleasantly subdued.

7) Wonderful Days (2003)

Stories about mankind on the brink of extinction always gets my attention, this one even more so because it's Korean and because it's an animated film for grown ups. It's got a very original story and an inventive style.

Wonderful Days combines CGI animation with good old fashioned models, and hand-drawn animation. The effect is stunning. The film looks absolutely gorgeous, but what's even more important: It packs an emotional punch as well. It's profound and often downright poetic.

8) Up (2009)

It starts off as a heartfelt tale of how life can slip through your fingers, without you knowing it, but ends up as a wild adventure which also tells you it's never too late to grab life by the horns and take it for a ride.

The first 10 minutes of Up redefines what an animated film can do. It really shouldn't work on any level... A cranky old man and a fat Asian kid in the two leads. A story that covers everything from death, to dreams and talking dogs. That's more than most live-action film manage to do.

9) Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

I know everybody hates this. I know the animation has its feet solidly planted in the deep mud of the uncanny valley. I know the story is a bunch of new age, crystal-gripping nonsense about spirits and fluffy things. I don't care. I love the style of this film. I love the pace. I love the music. I love how seriously it takes itself. And I love the fact that the entire fate of the world seems to be on the line in every single scene.

10) Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

I'm not a big Disney fan. I think it's because of the singing and the formulaic nature of most of their films. Perhaps that's why Atlantis works for me. There's no singing and no fluffy sidekick animals. What we get instead is a classic Jules Verne action/adventure, with a completely un-Disney-like design, so cool that I don't even wish they had done it as a live-action film.

Plus, the nerd gets the girl, which is the way every good story should end.

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Runners-Up

The always quotable Open Season (2006) almost made the list, as did Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (2009) - I just love the crazy humor. Robin Williams single-handedly elevated Aladdin (1992) to something unique. WALL·E (2008) blew me away. The Prince of Egypt (1998) gave us the kind of epic story Hollywood doesn't make any more (and I even love the songs). The tiny The Secret of Kells (2009), with its challenging story and low-tech animation, really surprised me. The Emperor's New Groove (2000) is just funny as hell. The Great Mouse Detective (1986) made me wonder why they never did a sequel, and then there's Titan A.E. (2000), which sort of drops the ball at the end, but until that point it's both beautiful and interesting. As for the Norwegian Kurt blir grusom (2008)... Well, it's just perfect for truckers, need I say more?

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FINAL THOUGHTS

I'm sure some people will tear their own heads off, complaining about all the classic Disney films I've ignored. The reason is simple, they bore me. And where are all the classic Animé films? Well, I have watched some of them, but to be honest they rarely stay with me.

There you have it. This is my list and if you have a problem with it, make your own list, then we can talk.

FADE OUT.

My Favorite Hot Animated Babes

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way"

INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT

A question popped into my mind as I was watching "Pocahontas" recently and had some impure thoughts... Which animated babes are my favorites? Since we're in the middle of Easter, it's the perfect time for a rather shallow post on this subject.

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Pocahontas from Pocahontas (1995)

I recently saw Disney's "Pocahontas" for the first time ever. I had always avoided it, because I thought it looked boring, but after "Avatar" this movie seemed like a good idea. Same story. A third of the running time.

With Pocahontas the Disney animators have really outdone themselves. She's beautiful, classy, and she moves with the grace of a cat. If only that brutish, cornfed white guy would get out of the movie, we could enjoy her just running around being one with nature and shit.

Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

On the opposite side of the tracks we find that bombshell of über naughtiness: Jessica Rabbit. Besides giving us the opening quote, she brings "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" into a completely different league. And the husky Kathleen Turner voice, man, don't even get me started on that.

Because of this movie many young boys can pinpoint the exact moment they became men: It was when Jessica Rabbit took the stage in The Ink and Paint Club, wearing a dress so thin it was barely there, and sang her little heart out to the tune of "Why Don't You Do Right?"

Aki from Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

This one is ever so slightly obscure, mostly because no-one saw the film, and it's sort of drifted into oblivion, but I still like it.

Aki represents the first true mainstream attempt at a fully realized, photo-real digital character in a major feature film. In that respect, she's a monumental failure. They get her about 95 percent right, but it's that last 5 percent that kills the illusion. There's something about the face that doesn't quite ring true. On top of that she's stuck in a plot that doesn't make any sense, but that's hardly her fault. In spite of all this, I wanted her to be real. I liked her, and I felt for her, much more than I did for those Pandemic blue fairies.

Major Motoko Kusanagi from Ghost in the Shell (1995)

We may not be able to understand a word of what she says - and not just because she speaks Japanese - but Major Motoko Kusanagi wears a uniform, and that's good. She frequently takes it off, which is even better. She's also a robot, which some would consider a bit of a drawback, but think about this: She will always be perky, she will never grow old. I mean, how good will those Jessica Rabbit curves look, when she hits fifty, right?

The Major has mystique, she's armed, and in case you need some quiet time, she's got an off-switch. I'd say that's a perfect package.

Eve from Wall*E (2008)

Eve is hot. And it's not just because she looks like a Mac. Well, actually... it's probably mostly because she looks like a Mac! No, hang on a second, she's got other qualities as well. She flies, she shoots, and she's curiously devoted. She's got the patience of a saint, easy access to upgrades, and even if you're fired off into space, she'll follow and retrieve you!

Seriously, what's not to like?

Final Thoughts

My thoughts at the moment are not fit for printing. Have a great Easter.

FADE TO BLACK.