Rampart (2011)

Oren Moverman's second feature film, following the outstanding The Messenger (2009), tells the story of LA police officer Dave "daterape" Brown (Woody Harrelson). He's an old school cop. Racist, violent, corrupt, and completely out of control. He's got a murder charge hanging over his head, and he runs into more problems, when he beats up a suspect in full daylight - an event caught on video camera. The movie is based of true events, the so-called Rampart scandal, where several cops from the LAPD's special anti-gang unit, CRASH, were implicated in one of the biggest corruption scandals of all time.

We've seen this type of story many times before. Denzel Washington won an Oscar for his portrayal of a similar cop in Training Day (2001), and Vic Mackey caused much chaos and mayhem on the streets of LA during the 7 years The Shield TV-series ran. A show which was also based directly on the Rampart scandal. In other words: If you want to play in this league, you better bring your A-game.

Rampart doesn't.

The story is very familiar, borderline trivial, and the film is messy and incoherent. It feels as though Moverman and Harrelson don't really know what they want to tell us, with this story. It's too quiet and introspective to be a hardcore cop film, it's too superficial to be a serious drama. Woody Harrelson wanders aimlessly through the film, from small bursts of intense acting, to scenes straight out of a high school play. His character is impossible to get a grip on. He's got no confidant and thus no way of communicating what really goes on in his head. Is he a good guy or a bad guy? The film doesn't know, and I don't care, which leaves us with just one question... Why make this film at all?

A big, big disappointment.

Haywire (2011)

Steven Soderbergh's well-known modus operandi - one for the studio, one for himself - comes to a grinding halt with Haywire, a film made for nobody.

The idea was simple enough: Let's take a girl with unparalleled kick-ass ability - MMA fighter Gina Carano - and build a film around her. Let's make a B-film, an action-fest, but let's do it with style. This girl can hold her own in the ring, let's give her a chance to hold her own on camera. The story doesn't need to be complicated. Something about a black ops independent contractor, Mallory Kane, who gets double-crossed and takes revenge on her employers. Lot's of super cool, secret agent, kick-assery ensues.

That was a good idea. Too bad that's not the film Soderbergh actually made.

Let's deal with the style first.

Soderbergh shoots his own movies and has done so for some time, under the pseudonym Peter Andrews. I usually like his style, but something went wrong with Haywire. It's shot on video, and looks that way too. A faded, cheap look.

The action scenes should be front and center here, the high point of the movie, but they're strangely underwhelming. Oh sure, it's cool that we can see it really is Carano fighting. Soderbergh keeps his takes long, so we get a good look at the moves, but the rhythm is off, the moves aren't as cool as they should be. Often the fights don't make sense, on a blow-by-blow basis, and to be perfectly frank, some of them look like stage fights.

On top of that Soderbergh has decided to revisit his jumping-around-in-time-while-new-age-jazz-plays-in-the-background-because-this-is-really-hip style of editing, most prominent in a film like The Limey (which I never made it through, because of this style). Only bagpipes and jackets for dogs are more infuriating.

Now for the story.

In order for us to accept a film like this, with all its preposterous action set-pieces, the story must be simple and clear. This is not Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, there can't be any muddled storytelling, we need to be able to focus all our attention on the action. Unfortunately half of the film is built around an annoying flashback structure, and it's never really clear what the missions are, or whose side everybody is on. I get the sense that Soderbergh thinks it doesn't matter because "this is just an action film". Mr. Soderbergh is mistaken. He's slumming it in a genre far more complicated than he gives it credit for.

The characters' behavior is also without rhyme or reason. These are supposed to be professionals. I can't stand films where I'm told the characters are "top notch cool whatever", and then they act like blithering idiots, in order for the plot to work. If they really were as cool as promised, the film would never happen. The "top notch" agents in Haywire act completely illogically, with a stunning lack of tactical knowhow and problem-solving abilities.

And the story is slow, oh so slow. There are so many long boring scenes where nothing happens. So many scenes promise a climax or a revelation they're completely unable to deliver.

And finally there's Gina Carano. Now, this girl is SMOKING. Unbelievably so. And even though the fight scenes are rather clumsy, you can tell she's the real deal. But an actress she's not. Not even close. It's not that she's a bad actress, it's that she isn't one. At all. That's rather unfortunate, since Haywire is her movie.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I'm sorry Mr. Soderbergh, if you thought you could make a cool action movie with one hand tied to your back you were sorely mistaken. Better men have tried this and failed. It takes skill to make a good action movie, but it also takes skill to make a good B-movie. It's a lot harder than it looks. Next time, pick a girl who can act, get a better story, and put a little more effort into the look.

Face the fact that this one grabbed you by the neck, strangled you until you were blue, kicked you in the nuts, and put a pillow over your head to muffle the sound of the final gunshot. But don't worry, you work in Hollywood, where one can always get a second chance. If you had lived in Mallory Kane's world, you'd be in cold storage by now.

Rating the Oscar Films

Not counting documentaries and the foreign film category, 37 feature films were nominated at the 84th Academy Awards. I saw 28 of them. Here they are, divided into four categories, and placed in the correct order. Best to worst. Simple as that.

CUT TO:

MY FAVORITES, REGARDLESS

I wish I had seen Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy last year. It would have made it to the top of my 2011 list. Such a cool, dense, incredibly classy film. And so quiet. You might say its silence is deafening. Speaking of silence, how could you not absolutely adore The Artist? Such a sweet, gentle and perfect film. Sequels get a bad rep, but there was a good story left to tell in Kung Fu Panda 2, and I found the film absolutely charming.

Margin Call was a big surprise. A taut, yet simple drama, with a killer cast, made by a first time director. Even more surprising was that fact that Roland Emmerich had a serious film in him, but Anonymous was a fascinating story, it made for a stunning film, and sent me home actually thinking about stuff. Never mind that softy Hawaii film, The Ides of March was the real George Clooney film of the year. A fabulous thriller that avoided all the pitfalls of similar political dramas.

I had no expectations for Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, but I found the film surprisingly touching and effective. Don't know why I doubted it, because director Stephen Daldry hasn't put a foot wrong yet. And finally, there's The Muppets. An absolutely delightful and charming love letter to a lovable bunch of characters we never really forgot.

1) Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
2) The Artist
3) Kung Fu Panda 2
4) Margin Call
5) Anonymous
6) The Ides of March
7) Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
8) The Muppets

CUT TO:

I WAS BLOODY ENTERTAINED, BUT

Real Steel is a fairly silly film, but it does what it does very well. Could have gone either way, but it got me, and the effects were spectacular. My only problem with Jane Eyre is lead actress Mia Wasikowska, but everything else in the film actually worked. It was moody, gorgeous, and heartbreaking.

Rise of Planet of the Apes was the sequel/prequel nobody wanted, and we were all stunned when it turned out to be quite good. We still didn't need it, but it turned out alright. We didn't need Transformers 3 either, but getting past that, it turned out to be fair bit better than the silly second film, but I actually missed Megan Fox. Go figure! We end this category with yet another sequel. Harry Potter 7.2 did have its moments, but didn't quite deliver the emotional payoff required after EIGHT FREAKING FILMS.

9) Real Steel
10) Jane Eyre
11) Rise of Planet of the Apes
12) Transformers: Dark of the Moon
13) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

CUT TO:

PROBLEMATIC, AT BEST

I love the mood of Drive, but the story was overly familiar and nowhere near as deep as director Nicolas Winding Refn evidently thought. Hugo is a far superior film. Well, half of it is. Unfortunately the first hour is dull and superfluous, which kind of ruined the perfect film magic of the second part.

I don't care about sports. Luckily Moneyball was more about how the math genius can beat the jock at his own game with simple numbers. That part I loved. Too bad it was about baseball. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo looks the part, but it's inferior to the original Swedish version in every way. I expected more from David Fincher.

I wish I loved Midnight in Paris more, but it was just too simple and obvious for my taste, and Owen Wilson certainly didn't help. My Week with Marilyn was strange. A very light film, close to comedy in some scenes, with a central performance from Michelle Williams who appears to act in a different film. And what the hell is wrong with Kenneth Branagh's face?

A Separation provided an interesting glimpse of a very closed world. Too bad it came across as a trite reality show crime drama, without any real emotional impact. Oh, and there's barely any mention of any separation. And finally Rango. Another film I really wanted to like. I just didn't care, and I hated the visuals.

14) Drive
15) Hugo
16) Moneyball
17) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
18) Midnight in Paris
19) My Week with Marilyn
20) A Separation
21) Rango

CUT TO:

THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER, THAN THIS

A Cat in Paris was sweet, but it was barely a movie, much less an Academy Award worthy one. The Help is so politically correct it'll make you vomit. On top of that it's just a bad film. Equally unbearable is The Adventures of Tintin, and those mo-cap dead faces are just beyond bad. What the hell were they thinking? The Descendants is just a big, dull dud.

War Horse was predictable Oscar-begging material of the kind Spielberg is too good for. Dipped in sugar with sugar on top, and you can basically write the entire story just by looking at the poster. Worst Spielberg film ever? I understand and respect why people like The Tree of Life. To me, it's not a film. I found it to be an utter bore.

But the worst, the absolute worst film, without any competition, was the stupefyingly politically incorrect, insincere and inappropriate whitewashing nightmare that is The Iron Lady. Makes Mamma Mia look like a quality film.

22) A Cat in Paris
23) The Help
24) The Adventures of Tintin
25) The Descendants
26) War Horse
27) The Tree of Life
28) The Iron Lady

CUT TO:

FINAL THOUGHTS

I missed nine films this year, some of them because I just couldn't care any less. They were: Albert Nobbs, Beginners, A Better Life, Bridesmaids, Chico & Rita, Puss in Boots, Rio, W.E. and Warrior . The only one I plan to catch up on is Beginners.

As always, some of the most popular films turned out to be worthless, while a few of the really criticized ones were actually pretty damn good. That's just the way it goes. It wouldn't be Oscar if they were all good and the best ones won, right?

Texas Killing Fields (2011)

I'm gonna do this quick, this film doesn't deserve better. Don't be fooled by the solid cast or the great visuals, this is an utter piece of shit. Either the script was completely useless, or someone screwed this up in the editing.

The story is excruciatingly badly written. The film moves from one scene to the next, seemingly unaware of any kind of narrative continuity or logic, resulting a disjointed, almost rambling storytelling. Even on a scene by scene basis this makes absolutely no sense. Characters change behavior, from moment to moment, and it often feels like large chunks of the film is simply missing.

This is nothing short of a spectacular show of inept, almost retarded filmmaking. How retarded, you ask? Well, just watch for the GIGANTIC shadows cast by the camera crew barely a minute into the film.

Avoid at all cost.

The 20 Best Movies I Saw In 2011

Following up on The 20 Worst Movies I Saw In 2011, here's a list of the best films I saw last year. Some great experiences along the way, but it still seems like 2011 wasn't quite as good as 2010.

20. Rare Exports

I loved this alternative take on Santa Claus. Never mind that the film is Finnish, I can see this becoming a regular December film for me.

19. The Warrior's Way

This silly combination of Asian swordplay and western, set in America, with American actors, but a Korean lead who rarely speaks, shouldn't really work, but it did anyway. The film looks gorgeous, and the story is a classic tale of redemption, and how to kill a man with a herring.

18. Machete

When Robert Rodriguez brings his A-game he's a force to be reckoned with. A good old-fashioned B-movie with loads of style, a killer cast, and a sorely needed lead role for Danny Trejo. Machete don't text, but he sure as hell entertains.

17. Fright Night (2011)

One of the biggest surprises of the year. I fully expected to hate everything about this film, but for some reason it all kind of worked beautifully. Go figure.

16. Holy Flying Circus

This TV movie is about the problems the Monty Python group encountered during the release of Life of Brian in 1979. Half of the actors portraying the group don't really work, but the other half are perfect. This film captures the style of the show (Michael Palin's wife is played by a man), while giving us a glimpse of the real issues behind the silliness.

15. Faster

Another one of those B-movies that aren't afraid to embrace its B-movie nature. A perfect revenge film, with some surprisingly effective performances, and a stunning look.

14. The Rite

Exorcisms still freak me out. Combine this with a story about a guy who doubts religion, and you've got a really interesting take on demon possessions. Nothing beats The Exorcist (1973), obviously, but you can still make a good film in this genre, without trying to top that masterpiece. Plus, Anthony Hopkins hasn't been this good since Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992).

13. Drive Angry

No, I don't want to hear anything. This kick ass film did it for me on every level, and I'm not going to apologize. Bloody action, a severely f***able Amber Heard, cool as a cucumber William Fichtner, and Nicolas Cage hasn't looked this committed since Face/Off (1997).

12. Gasland

Director Josh Fox's deeply personal take on the environmental problems caused by fracking - the process that extracts natural gas from the ground. Very moody and very engaging. This is not just a good documentary. It's simply a good film.

11. Stool Pigeon

An intense and heartbreaking Hong Kong thriller that reminds me of all the great Asian films I saw in the '90s. Only reason it isn't higher up on the list is the rather slow start.

10. Page Eight

An very slight thriller about an intelligence officer who is thrust into a moral dilemma, following a report that puts the government in a very uncomfortable position. A pleasantly subdued performance by Bill Nighy, with solid support from Rachel Weisz, Michael Gambon, and Ralph Fiennes.

9. Apollo 18

A found-footage film about the failed Apollo 18 mission that discovers something bad on the moon. I was on the edge of my seat throughout the whole film, and I loved the visual style, which cleverly matches footage from the real lunar missions.

8. Trolljegeren

This Norwegian faux-documentary about a troll hunter had just the right mix of humor and scares. I found it quite irresistible.

7. The Last Exorcism

This tight little horror movie took the faux-documentary style and give it a little twist. Plus, anything with demons freak me the hell out! Haven't seen lead actor Patrick Fabian since 1999. Hope to see more of him in the future.

6. I Saw the Devil

A bitter, but highly effective Korean revenge film, so tough and driven that you can't help but feel ashamed that you love it so much. Actors Lee Byung-Hun and Choi Min-Sik are ferocious in the two lead roles, and director Kim Jee-Woon is one of the most dependable Korean helmers.

5. TRON: Legacy

Much to my surprise I found this followup to the classic science fiction fiasco TRON (1982) to be quite amazing. Beautiful designs, a story with real pathos, and one of the best scores of the year. The only flaw: The young CGI version of Jeff Bridges.

4. Source Code

One of the truly original films from 2011, a sci-fi version of Groundhog Day (1993) and a great followup to Moon (2009) from director Duncan Jones.

3. Margin Call

This tight little thriller had a simple premise, a stellar cast, and a perfect mood. Director J.C. Chandor is a name we need to keep an eye on, while star Zachary Quinto proves he can play something else than serial killers and aliens.

2. Kung Fu Panda 2

This is one irresistible panda. The sequel was less funny than the original, but more touching. The visual style, however, is breathtakingly beautiful.

1. Super 8

This film oozes nostalgia and love for movies. JJ Abrams managed to make a Spielberg film in 2011. Good thing, because Spielberg himself can't make that kind of film any more.

FINAL THOUGHTS

That's it. Now we've got to make it through the Oscars and we'll be all done with 2011.

The 20 Worst Movies I Saw In 2011

Last year I published my Top and Bottom lists on this very blog, and I found it quite useful to have them available online at any time, so why not repeat the success? No need to overcomplicate things, so here's my list of the 20 most awful films I saw last year....

20. Sucker Punch

The trailer looked gorgeous, Zach Snyder's other films were so cool, but he should not be writing scripts himself, he's just not smart enough. This was a long, boring, misguided film, about as much fun as watching someone else play a video game.

19. Cowboys and Aliens

Unforgivably dull and utterly predictable. We may not have seen cowboys and aliens together in a film before, but every character, every scene, every plot point was familiar.

18. The Silent House

This Spanish one-shot movie might have worked, but the story is just too simple and the ending is preposterous.

Read the full review here.

17. Sharktopus

You don't expect too much going into a film like this, but it's okay to at least expect to be entertained on a B-movie level. This film does have its moments, but it just doesn't quite come together in the end. It's too average.

16. Priest

On some level the core concept had some validity, I guess, but there are just so many wrong choices and missed opportunities here. It feels as if the film was put together by a committee. And stop casting Cam Gigandet will you?

15. Season of the Witch

I love a silly Nicolas Cage movie as much as the next guy, but this period-possession film was just to damn sloppy for its own good.

14. Green Lantern

The character is silly, the story is nonsense, and Ryan Reynolds buzzing around with a CGI body is just not my idea of fun. I'm baffled that this charming actor failed to bring any kind of heart to this story.

13. Red Riding Hood

Should have been sexy, hip, and cool. That's why they hired the Twilight director. Instead this was badly written, unintentionally funny and looked cheap. Worst Gary Oldman performance since The Fifth Element (1997).

12. Burlesque

Christian Aguilera sings? Cher sings? That should work on some level, right? Well, it didn't. And STOP casting Cam Gigandet!

11. Dirch

This Danish biopic about the beloved Danish entertainer Dirch Passer only worked if you knew everything about him going in. It fails to capture the mood and look of the time period, and star Nikolaj Lie Kaas is just not as good as he should be. And the script was a mumbling checklist of famous Passer events.

10. Thor

Director Kenneth Branagh brings nothing to this noisy mess. The story is ludicrous and the film is a freak show of bad costumes and mediocre CGI. As for Natalie Portman? Stop looking so beautiful. No, I mean it! At this point it's becoming a major distraction.

9. True Grit

I don't really like the Coen brothers, save for a few of their earlier films, but this unnecessary remake is even worse than No Country for Old Men (2007). Jeff Bridges might as well be speaking Klingon, and the ending makes me hate everything even more.

8. I Love You Phillip Morris

I've lost everything for Jim Carrey since I found out he's one of those anti-vaccination lunatics, who really should be put down, before they kill too many people with their nonsense, but I saw this film before I found that out, and I still hated it and his performance. A disgusting, charmless film.

7. Into Eternity

Ostensibly a documentary about the dangers of nuclear waste. The film covers many interesting angles, but the message is muddled, and the cinematic style is so manipulative that it actually hurts the film. If the director lies so much with his images, how much does he lie with his words?

6. Paul

This should have been a slam-dunk. Two Roswell geeks meet an actual alien. Hilarity ensues. Unfortunately Simon Pegg and Nick Frost forgot to include ANYTHING funny or original in the film.

5. Adèle and the Secret of the Mummy

Is there anything more annoying or useless than French humor? This obnoxious film wants to be a bit Indiana Jones like, but it's just too damn French. Story is a mess, and hot french babe Louise Bourgoin in the lead is utterly devoid of charm. Luc Besson can't make movies any more.

4. Tree of Life

This is a bit of a cheat, because this really isn't a film, it's a poem. A rambling story about life and death, or something. I don't really care. This is not what I want from a film, period.

3. Smukke Mennesker

Obnoxious and untalented painter, turned film-critic, turned director Mikkel Munk Falsk sucked enough a** to get a chance to direct this unintelligent ripoff of Happiness (1998). No word on whether the 12 people who saw the film thinks he succeeded, but in my opinion this is the kind of film that should ban you from the film-business for all eternity.

2. Red State

Director Kevin Smith thinks he made a clever religious-horror-thriller. He didn't. He made an incompetent, rambling, boring, ugly, stupid piece of sh*t that solidifies our suspicion: Smith can't write anymore. And can't really direct either. Second year in a row he makes the Bottom 3 list.

1. Your Highness

When the credits rolled on this piece of sh*t I knew I had seen the worst film of the year, and a solid candidate for the worst film ever made. This is the brainchild of Danny McBride, who can't act, can't write, and isn't funny. Why he has a career is as baffling as anything. Why would anyone make a film like this, unless they were mentally handicapped?

FINAL THOUGHTS

That's it, my Bottom 20 list for 2011. Stay tuned for the Top 20 list.