Bottom 10 of 2025

Well, I finally got my s*** together for a timely post on my best and worst film experiences from last year. We'll start with the worst.

10) Mickey 17 (2025)

I like Robert Pattinson. I want to like director Bong Joon Ho. Obviously, I'm a science fiction fan. But I just couldn't stand this film. Everything about it annoys me. The story. R-Paz's character. His f**king moronic narration. The girl. The bad guy. That Asian dude. The Hulk. The poster. The message. Toni Collette's disgusting smoothies. That's a giant f**king nope from me on this one.

9) Nosferatu (2024)

I guess you could say that Nosferatu isn't actually a bad film, but I found it excruciatingly dull. And also, haven't we seen enough versions of this exact story? Comparisons to Coppola's delightful Bram Stoker's Dracula are inevitable, and not many films can stand up them to that creative powerhouse of a film. Robert Eggers just doesn't make movies for me. I get why he might appeal to some people, but I spent the entire 132-minute running time of this film wishing I had put the Coppola version on instead.

8) The Alto Knights (2025)

A surprising case of inept filmmaking from the man who brought us several stone-cold classics, but seems to have lost the ability to make good movies. Barry Levinson used to make movies like Rain Man, Sleepers, and Good Morning, Vietnam. Now he creates scenes that look like they were made by a first-time director. And let's not even waste time trying to figure out why anybody on this film thought it was a good idea for Robert De Niro to play both leads. It makes absolutely no sense and adds nothing but confusion to the endeavor.

7) Cleaner (2025)

What a wet noodle of a Die Hard rip-off! Made by the man who rebooted The James Bond franchise not once, but TWICE, both times knocking it out of the park. There's no sign of that talent in this cheap-looking and dumb movie. Not even Daisy Ridley can save this for me. And that should tell you everything you need to know, Mr. Campbell.

6) Ice Road: Vengeance (2025)

The first Ice Road was bad, but it did at least look somewhat like a film. This does not. The effects are so terrible! And the cheap video look is even worse. The story actually isn't all that bad (though it could do with a bit of trimming), but visually this film is on the level of an in-house corporate instruction video, made by Stu from accounting, who shot his cousin's bar mitzvah, so he kinda knows which way the camera should point.

For the record, I'm completely on board with Liam Neeson getting with his almost 30-years-younger co.star - the adorable Fan Bingbing - but could he please do it in a better film? And also, guys, if you're making an Ice Road 3 (or Ic3 Road), you might want to consider including some f**cking ice roads to the story!

5) The Electric State (2025)

Anthony Russo and Joe Russo, the least talented filmmakers working in the $200 million-plus realm at the moment, thought they could make an interesting non-Marvel film. They apparently did not learn their lesson on the equally stupid The Gray Man.

Chris Pratt resembles a slightly less porny alternative to John Holmes. Millie Bobby Brown, despite playing a teenager, looks like a 40-year-old prostitute. Sorry! That was uncalled for. She just looks like she's actually the mother of the character she's supposed to be playing. And that there was a special offer on cheap makeup at Costco.

The story is sh*t. Those robots are just creepy as all hell. And the less said about the nonsensical world-building, the better. And this cost a reported $320 million! Netflix, you're out of your f**king mind.

4) In the Lost Lands (2025)

This is even MORE dull than the soulless Monster Hunter. I hope Paul W.S. Anderson is sending a fruit basket the size of a garage to Paul Thomas Anderson every month, because PTA's insistence on making progressively worse and worse films is the only reason I can still call W.S. "the good Paul Anderson", as I am wont to do. W.S. himself has done nothing to earn that moniker in the last 15 years. This guy COULD actually make movies once. Come back to us, Paul. Make a great movie again. You know, like Resident Evil.

3) A Minecraft Movie (2025)

What can be said about a film like this...? It makes the Battleship movie look sophisticated? I'd rather watch someone play a video game for 117 hours? I wish they had done a Minesweeper movie instead? How about this: it grossed almost a BILLION dollars!? What the f**k is wrong with you people!?

2) 28 Years Later (2025)

Danny Boyle is not a bad filmmaker, but he's prone to bad filmmaking decisions when it comes to this zombie franchise. The choice to shoot the first film, 28 Days Later, on laughably low-res video, because of the damn Dogma vibe that was in vogue at the time, is nothing short of heart-breaking. You'll never know how cruel the world can be, until you've seen a MiniDV-shot film on a 65-inch TV. To some extent that choice made sense at the time. The artistic choices here, however, are baffling.

Why shoot the film, on consumer-level iPhones? Why those incredibly awkward visual choices that just didn't work? Why those goofy cosplay characters (that apparently get more screen time in the next film)? Why the giant zombie schlong? And on top of all that, the story was underwhelming at best, and very rarely scary or dramatic enough.

1) One Battle After Another (2025)

Without a doubt THE most insufferable movie of the year. The grotesquely bloated 160-minute running time isn't even the worst part. Whatever message the film may have about the current state of the world, and America in particular, is suffocated by the cartoonish Leonardo DiCaprio performance, the film's obnoxious lack of tonal commitment, and Sean Penn's ridiculous villain, whose every second of screen time is more annoying than the last. Oh, and the core story is also just bad.

Kindly f**k off, Paul Thomas Anderson. And don't bother us again until you're ready to make something that's actually watchable and entertaining. And under two hours. You know, like Resident Evil.

WRAP-UP

We made it! That last one nearly did me in. Keep that in mind when it wins a gazillion Oscars. Or in three years when everybody wakes up from their collective hangover, and realize what a piece of sh*t it really is. Can't wait for that! But enough badness. Time for some goodness.... Next up, the top list.

The Best of 2024, The Worst of 2024

Confessions time. I got stuck, trying to write my top and bottom lists for 2024. I usually do those every year, but the vibe just wasn't there. I kept putting it off and now we're at the end of the year, and I'm out of time. So I'm doing something else this year. Instead of two ranked lists, I've made two alfabetical lists, inspired by the likes of AFI and National Board of Review, with the best and the worst new films I saw last year.

Without further ado'ing.... Here they are:

THE 10 BEST FILMS I SAW IN 2024

• Abigail (2024)
• Damsel (2024)
• Mars Express (2023)
• A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)
• Restore Point (2023)
• Saturday Night (2024)
• Thelma (2024)
• Trap (2024)
• Twisters (2024)
• The Watchers (2024)

THE 10 WORST FILMS I SAW IN 2024

• Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F (2024)
• Blackbird (2022)
• Borderlands (2024)
• Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024)
• I.S.S. (2023)
• Lift (2024)
• Madame Web (2024)
• Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)
  with Rebel Moon: A Child of Fire - Part One (2023)
• Slingshot (2024)
• The Zone of Interest (2023)

Top 10 of 2023

Overall 2023 was a disappointing year at the movies, but we did get a couple of handfuls of excellent movies along the way, so it wasn't hard to fill this top 10.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

First a few honorable mentions, worth checking out.

Polite Society (2023)
The Princess (2022)
Renfield (2023)
To Catch a Killer (2023)
Door Mouse (2022)

And now, the actual list....

THE LIST

10) A Lot of Nothing (2023)

I wrote a review of this film on this very blog. Read it here.

As a TL:DR, let me just add this: You should watch this film. It's doesn't look like much, but it is. It's a whole lot more than a lot of nothing.

9) Rosaline (2022)

Utterly charming, completely irresistible movie that takes Billy Shakes' Romeo & Juliet for a modern ride, by focusing on the unseen reason for the eponymous hero's romantic woes. Kaitlyn Dever (keep a close eye on this one) stars as "the other girl"- the one who didn't get Romeo. Smart, insightful, goofy, fun and cute. Don't be fortune's fool and sleep on this one.

8) No One Will Save You (2023)

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle, another Kaitlyn Dever film finds its way to the top list! Didn't I just say you should keep an eye out for her? This film is as brilliant as it is simple. Most of the running time is spent with a girl alone in her house, as an alien invasion advances outside. Oh, and it's almost completely dialogue-free. Daring and highly entertaining.

7) Inbetween Girl (2021)

I completely fell in love with this film. The story about a girl who starts a clandestine affair with "the hot guy" at school, who's already got a girlfriend, while her family-life collapses around her. It's a quiet, unassuming film, but first time director Mei Makino gets everything right. And relative newcomer Emma Galbraith is heartbreaking in the lead. They DO still make brilliant teen movies, it's just a little harder to find them these days.

6) The Moon (2023)

The second manned Korean mission to the Moon threatens to end as disastrously as the first, when a single astronaut is stranded alone in space. What follows lies somewhere between the reality of Gravity and the sheer preposterousness of Armageddon. A dedicated action/science fiction film that isn't afraid to turn the volume way up on the emotional elements too.

5) The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)

The In Bruges team is back! Director Martin McDonagh and actors (and obvious friends) Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson return with an even more grim story, this time detailing the end of a friendship between two men on a quiet island off the coast of Ireland.It would be hilarious, if it didn't cut so deep. This is not an easy film to enjoy. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be seen, though.

4) Limbo (2021)

Two cops must find a serial killer who leaves severed hands in the gutters of a trash-covered Hong Kong slum neighborhood. The stark black and white images look like something out of Frank Miller's Sin City, the core story is reminiscent of the brilliant Se7en, and yet Limbo finds its own vibe with this devastatingly cruel tale that takes place on the dark side of humanity, where light and hope is almost completely absent. Almost.

3) Knock at the Cabin (2023)

Holy shit, perpetually overrated M. Night Shyamalan actually made a brilliant film! After his breakthrough with the over-hyped The Sixth Sense, Shyamalan has struggled to deliver anything remotely as good as everyone claimed that film was. He finally did it with Knock at the Cabin. The film works with a simple concept, but manages to be both thrilling, dramatic, outrageous, sad and deeply disturbing. All the players are good, but Dave Bautista and 10-year old Kristen Cui are the MVPs.

2) Women Talking (2022)

27 years ago my friend said "That Sarah Polley is gonna win an Oscar one day", Neither of us expected that it was going to be for writing! Of course the film is talkative, the title gives that part away, but Polley manages to bring some impressive directorial flourishes to the project that removes any feelings of staginess. She should have been nominated for directing as well.

Women Talking is a fiercely appropriate attack on the patriarchy, by way of a unique situation, abused women in a religious cult, but the themes and message remain universally relevant. This really is the kind of film everyone should watch.

1) The Menu (2022)

One of those "the less you know going in, the better" movies. This is a wild, sublimely unhinged film, layered with social commentary and biting satire, in turns both sad, funny and scary. And it loses nothing on repeated viewings. It's rare these days to be as presently surprised and impressed with a film as I was with this.

WRAP UP

Well, what d'ya know, we made it through another year at the movies! Now 2024, it's time to show what you got!

Bottom 10 of 2023

Before we begin this little journey through my worst film experiences from 2023, an important message from the board.

Public service announcement from the board

Please note the following changes to The Rules:
From this point on movies where one story is split into two (or more) parts will be ineligible for any "end of the year" or "best of" lists until all the parts have been released.
Furthermore, the board also recommends that these films be deemed ineligible for any type of awards, at any point, regardless of when their parts are released. No Oscars, no People's Choice awards. Nothing.
Please make sure these rules are implemented as soon as possible.

Wow, these people are serious, they don't mess around!

So just to be clear, this rule change affects the following films from 2023....

Rebel Moon: A Child of Fire - Part One (2023)
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)
Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)
Fast X (2023)
(And perhaps others?)

Dodged a bullet there, Zack Snyder!

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS

Before we get to the list, here is a few movies that almost made the cut.

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
Evil Dead Rise (2023)
Killers of the Flower Moon (2023)

Avoid at all cost. Except the book behind Killers of the Flower Moon, definitely read that.

And so, with no further ado, here is the list...

THE LIST

10) The Killer (2023)

David Fincher is as sharp as ever, as he turns a dreadfully dull comic book into a dreadfully dull movie. The uninteresting lead is captured to perfection. The uninspired plot hits every beat of its printed predecessor. The world of the live action version as cold and uncomplicated as its inked counterpart. When Fincher fails he does it more beautifully than any other director. But it's still a fail.

9) Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

I won't deny that there are moments in this ostensible last Indiana Jones movie, where I felt that old Indy magic from the first 3 films, but most of the time this was just a crushing disappointment. The characters are badly written, the plot is cumbersome and unimaginative, and the whole film looks CGI fake.

8) Heart of Stone (2023)

Another large scale misfire from Netflix. Another movie about an all-powerful tech-thingy that can destroy the world. Another movie to cast doubt on the actual star-quality of Gal Gadot. This film belongs to an especially annoying category of bad films. Too big to ignore, not bad enough to be funny. Soulless, Witless. Pointless.

7) Ghosted (2023)

I could see this idea work in the right hands, but those hands sure don't belong to director Dexter Fletcher. Chris Evans is miscast as the hapless hopeless romantic who falls for Ana de Armas's super badass secret agent. He can't sell being a bumbling fool. She can sell being interested in him. The plot surrounding the two characters needs work - yeah, another world destroying "thingy" is at play - and there's a tone-deaf, stalkerish, incel vibe over certain aspects of the story.

6) Cocaine Bear (2023)

The Snakes on a Plane of the Tik-Tok set (and let's remember that film was shit too). This might have worked better as a 10 minute SNL segment, it sure doesn't work as a feature film. The real story of that bear and that mountain of cocaine is depressing and short (Spoiler: Bear died), so the filmmakers really needed to come up with a solid foundation to expand the story from a punchline to an actual film. They didn't. They didn't have much beyond the title.

5) Everything Everywhere All at Once (2023)

I hate everything about this film, except its success. I'm so happy a crazy film like this could all but sweep the Oscars. So glad so many people found hope and value in this story. So happy Ke Huy Quan got a career revival thanks to this.

However, personally I couldn't stand the film. Hated the story. Hated the characters. Hated the obnoxious style. Hated the running time. I turned off the film after half an hour the first time I tried to watch it. I only gave it a second chance because of the Oscar-hype. If not for that, I never would have made it all the way through.

4) Hypnotic (2023)

Laughably unintelligent attempt from Robert Rodriguez to make a Chris Nolan-like thriller and show he can still entertain grown-ups. He can't. Ben Affleck seems catatonic in the lead. I wish that was just a mean diss, but he genuinely looks like he's medicated and not all there. If he had been fully present, he would have witnessed a director on the bottom of the deep end of the pool, completely outmatched by his own ambitions, unable to fathom how big a fool he's making of himself. Maybe druggie Ben had the right idea after all.

3) The Detective Knight Trilogy

Including: Detective Knight: Rogue (2022), Detective Knight: Redemption (2022), Detective Knight: Independence (2023)

I watched The Detective Knight Trilogy knowing it was going to be my farewell to Bruce Willis. I had already seen quiet a few of his direct-to-video projects so I was prepared for the budget and skill level at play. I was not prepared for the devastating sight of a mentally impaired man, barely comprehending where he is, unable to speak more that a few coherent words, being forced through three whole feature films, by producers who just wanted to squeeze that last dollars out of the ailing action star. It's nothing short of shameful. At least we'll always have all the great films Bruce made.

2) Expend4bles (2023)

I mean, the third film was already pretty bad, but they took a 9 year break before they made this 4th film of the Expendables franchise, surely that gave them enough time to come up with something good? Nope. The story is terrible and barely functioning. The emotional stakes are non-existing. And everything looks CGI fake. Extra penalty points for attempting to make 50 Cent act and for completely wasting the talented and charming Levy Tran.

1) The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

Renny Harlin is laughing in his grave. Oh, I'm sorry, he's still alive, it's was his career that died. Anyway, up to this point he had made the worst movie of The Exorcist franchise. Not so any more. Step up David Gordon Green!

The story is trivial and dull. The threat is unconvincing and the scares absent. Worst of all, though, this film seem to have been made by people who have never seen an exorcist film before, nor done any research into the concept. it's nothing short of baffling how little work in this film, or makes any kind of sense. The characters are idiots and so is everyone behind the camera. The only smart one is William Friedkin, who died before he had a chance to see this unholy creation.

WRAP-UP

Phew that was a rough one, right? Well, not to worry, the best is yet to come. As in, we're doing the Top 10 movies of 2023 next.